In our last post, we explained What is the inner child . In this post, we will be exploring some signs that can tell you if you have a wounded inner child and ways to self heal him/her.
Below are some signs that indicate that you have a wounded inner child –
Say Yes or No for every sign and let me know the score in the comments below.
- I am afraid of abandonment
- I have a overpowering feeling that something is wrong with me
- I am a rebel/misfit
- I am a people pleaser
- I get dejected by criticism
- I avoid conflicts
- I am extremely self critical
- I struggle to say no
- I am afraid of people and tend to avoid them
- I have never felt a bond with one or both my parents
- I am anxious before starting something new
- I have trouble finishing what I started
- I find it embarrassing to express my true emotions
- I tend to hoard things and have trouble letting go.
- I only trust myself or have difficulty building trust
- I feel guilty for standing up to myself
- I am shy and I avoid people
- I am always driven to be a super achiever
- I have addictions (smoking, drinking, binge watching, eating, drugs, sex)
- I am stubborn
- I am a perfectionist
- I am ashamed of my body
- I feel responsible towards others more than myself
- I feel guilty for choosing me
- I don’t respect other genders
How to self heal your inner child?
Now that you know the signs, I will try to give you self workable tasks that will help you to connect with your inner child.
The first step towards healing your inner child is saying thank you for still being there and for connecting with you. There is no better way to acknowledge a person than to being grateful to them. Your inner child might have felt unimportant or unloved for a long period of time, and telling them you see them is a big step towards building a healthy relationship with your inner child.
I hear you and I feel you. These are the two things that your inner child has craved to hear from someone. You saying this will boost your inner child’s confidence and will make the bond between the two of you more stronger. Listen to every struggle that your inner child goes through. Notice all the feelings that they feel and how they are affecting the adult you.
I love you. That is all your inner child needs to hear from you after they share their struggles/fears. Despite everything that you went through, acceptance is the only way ahead. Holding grudges, being spiteful or rebel is not going to make your inner child feel loved and cared for. Being Flawsome is the only way to be and acceptance will make your journey a trustworthy one.
Even if you are not a big fan of writing, journaling has proven to improve mental and emotional well being. Writing down how you feel is the easiest way to be heard in a safe and non judgemental set up. Talking to yourself is something that every human being does. But how many of these thoughts are heard and remembered? How many of these thoughts are intentional and affirmative? Write to yourself atleast once a week. And if possible try to write about your childhood as your inner child. Start a timeline journal where you start writing about experiences from the age of 0-3 years (the ones that you heard from your parents/others as well as the ones that you remember) and move ahead every 3 years till you reach your current age.
Just like journaling, affirmations are another self help tool that helps you to lead a intentional journey. Did you know when repeated consistently, affirmations rewire the programming of your brain. The words that you say to yourself are the most important ones and they reach your inner child everyday. I highly recommend following us on Instagram for your daily dose of affirmations @flawsomelifeofficial
Standing up for your inner child will need a lot of inner work. Even if you understand this point now, the magnitude of this one is beyond our imagination especially without the help of a therapist. But if you can, say sorry to your inner child. Tell them they didn’t deserve what they went through and most importantly I forgive you, you did your best if you feel guilty of something. These 3 phrases sound easy and problem solving but feeling what you say is harder than we think.
- I am sorry
- You didn’t deserve that
- I forgive you
Once you feel safe and understand what you were going through, why your were going through it and how your inner child must have felt, you should share about your experiences with the people you trust and feel safe with. Sharing will give you support and relief and you will be better equipped to take care of your inner child.
See a therapist
If you feel that you still need help and things are not going your way, see a therapist or life coach. Only a therapist or life coach can help you sail through this journey of uncertainty and self doubt.
Leave the door open
Healing and learning is a life long journey. A journey that is often never taken. But if you have embarked on this journey, know that it is not a one time or a journey that has a duration. You need to keep your mind and door open to always go back to your inner child when they need you or when you need them.
Revisit your childhood
A child is full of creativity, dreams and ideas. Play is the work of child and if you want to bring the inner child into your present, you need to sit down and play. As cliche as it may sound for a parent, you have to now parent/mother your inner child and the only way to do that apart from loving, caring and keeping them safe is to do what they want you to. Which simply means live your childhood dreams. Play that game, make that painting, dance on that song, connect with that childhood bestie, make up with your parents, be that someone that your inner child wanted you to be.
That is it for this blog post. If you have any questions do let me know in the comments below.