It’s been 10 months now that I am unwell. After 3 sonographies, blood work, and finally a colour Doppler test the root cause was detected inside my body. All my life I had PCOD and I never knew what having a normal menstrual cycle felt like. But this time the results were different because the symptoms were more painful & different than PCOD. The only effective solution for endometrial polyps is a surgery. And after trying to fight hard with whatever was wrong with me I broke down somewhere between bleeding for 45 days every 3 months to sleeping 18 hours a day and still feeling tired.
I still have 2 months to prepare my body for the surgery and I am very much still on hormonal medications. Apart from bleeding for 45 days I still have all the symptoms. But this time when I got my periods just for 6 days I felt good after a really long time. But what made me feel normal was, accepting my illness instead of fighting it.
The more I fought the more it scarred my confidence. The more I tried to get up and get things accomplished the more I got depressed. The more I tried to take things in my control the more my body fought back against me.
It took me a lot of time to realize that I (my mind ) and my body we’re in the same team. I realised that my body only asks for what it needs. And my mind, on the other hand, reacts according to the situations and people around me.
When I stopped thinking about wasting 18 hours sleeping and instead just did what my body needed I was less tired. Being an anaemic is difficult than I thought. Over a course of 300 days, I have been bleeding heavily for almost 120-130 days. My body was rightfully asking me to rest, to take it slow, to stop being a girl boss, to stop hustling and only focusing on what is needed for survival.
The day I rested guilt-free, the day I ate what my body asked for without thinking twice about weight gain things changed positively. I had more moments where I had energy and fewer moments of feeling dizzy. I had more moments of feeling full and lesser moments of bloating.
If only I had listened to my body every time it tried to speak for itself things would have been less painful for everyone.
People around me will never understand what I am going through. All people can see are the missed opportunities, missed lectures, a heavy load of assignments and classwork, a heavy workload for keeping up with the idea of being a girl boss and of course not earning money to be independent.
But like my mother and doctors said, all I need to focus on right now is waking up every morning, having 3 wholesome meals a day, taking my medicines on time, spending time with my daughter, sleeping as much as my body needs me to and doing light walking (2k steps) per day.
So that’s the goal for the next few months until after the surgery. Whatever I can do in between my important goals will be a reward from my body for keeping up with her needs.